Chapter B, as in Back to Society

Like I’ve said before, I think I was created for a life in solitary confinement. I was made, from scratch, as one who doesn’t require even a smidge of interaction with “society” in a literal sense (as opposed to a figurative sense, see, because I don’t even know how that would work out figuratively, really). When they put me in there, they should have put me in there to stay, and sometimes, it felt like I was indeed in there for the long haul.

Regardles, after a certain period of time (like I said, I lost track, and/or lost the will to notice when night turned to day turned to night), they decided to let me go. All I remembered was a bright, bright light, one I hadn’t seen for some days, and in a way being disappointed that I had to see it. I guess they didn’t know what else to do with me, so they ended up calling my roommates to come pick me up. As I walked down the long hallway with a brief stop at the front desk, with one roomie on one side and one on the other, locked arm in arm on each side, we flung that door open into the warm-ish Miami mid-morning. And me with all those layers on, I just took the heat.

I’m back home and in my room and things are, for better or worse, back to the way I remembered them. No noticeable changes. No one had torn pages out of my books, blew cigarette smoke into my shoes, even moved my chair to the other side of the room. Strikingly normal, and I guess I didn’t ask for it to be otherwise.

Behind the closed doors I hear my roommates talking about something. I’ve never told them this before, but I don’t ever really understand what they’re saying. I wonder if they make sense to anyone else. I’ve never asked anyone else if they can ever tell what my roommates are talking about, mainly because my roommates and I don’t hang out with the same people. We have our separate lives, and I suppose thats a good thing — I mean, I don’t think we’re really all that much alike, on the inside. On the outside, I don’t know, really. We all mock each other more than we should, in this world — wearing the same kind of clothes, the same haircuts, talking the same way, walking, nothing really out of the ordinary. Nothing really erratic.

I haven’t told you this, but I’m trying to change that. I really am.

I’ve had some plans underway for quite some time, kind of behind the scenes, see. I’m looking to break myself (and, in the process, everyone else around me, and anyone in the vicinity, and/or anyone who catches wind of my plan and who wants to join me) out of this funk that we all seem to be in, to try something radically different, to make a move in the right direction. I don’t think I’m the only one who knows what direction I’m talking about. I mean, point yourself north and open your eyes and you’ll instantly see what I’m talking about. People are afraid of what they don’t understand, and truth be told most people don’t understand themselves, see. So an individual — say, for example, me, since I seem to be the only one who is brave enough in this day and age to get this ball rolling — merely needs to overcome this barrier in his or her head, this lack of understanding about what it is they do or say or stand for. I mean, it’s not that you serendipitously come across a nugget that allows you to crack this lack of understanding — rather, it’s losing that inhibition that otherwise paralyzes you in these instances where you come to the crossroads, where you must choose between doing something different and unique and ultimately RIGHT in the world, and you’d best understand that you and I and others simply roll right through these crossroads many many times throughout the day, because that’s the path of least resistance, to roll on without the hassle of friction, but when you recognize that friction and work with that friction you learn from and make sense of it, and realize how much you’re gaining from it and, therefore, how much others can gain from you whereas, in the past, so many others have failed to impart this knowledge. And if we can’t spread knowledge to others who CRAVE it, what other good things can we spread, because we certainly aren’t doing much good by spewing out carbon dioxide.

But I don’t know how much I should talk about these things, these plans. All I’m saying is that I hope this makes sense to you in some time, due time.