Chapter D, as in Why Did I Come To Miami?

Why it seems like I came here on a whim — I mean, I did, so you’re not exactly wrong in thinking that — I had been planning a move in this general direction for quite some time. See, I am a keeper of lists, lists I consistently maintain and refer to, with each list centered on one area of my life that need improvement. Each item on these said lists is an option I have defined, based on life experiences, that will take me in a certain direction I want to go. Given that I have numerous lists that each tackle an area of self-improvement, there is a possibility that the same item (or, at least, items that are unique that somehow point in a similar direction, see) may exist on multiple lists, thereby pointing me toward the same product. There is even an alternative scenario, where multiple items on multiple lists will combine together, as fragments of a puzzle often do (and, I think it must always be this way, I really do think so) — or, as I should say in this scenario, akin to a stack of dominoes being a whole entity that rises to a certain height with each individual domino playing an equal role in attaining the cumulative height of that stack, regardless of whether that domino is at the top or the bottom of the pile.

So in this case, each domino represents an item on one of my many self-improvement lists, see, and each item represents a step to get me to where I am now, which, as you know, is here.

For better or worse.

Regardless of how I view this complex scenario, it must be recognized (by me, anyway, considering the importance I put in recognizing how steps I have take in my life have allowed me to arrive at a certain point, in case I would like to either A), recreate any of those steps, B), pass any of those steps along to someone else or C), remind myself and/or someone else to learn a valuable lesson from taking a step that, in retrospect, paid minimal dividends, if any, really) that a complex equation must occur in order for items from several lists to coalesce into the motivation that leads me to a certain place in time or space.

It does not, however, strike me as important as where I started in this equation — then, you will not be privy to that information, see. I really would like to tell you but fear the damage you might inflict upon me (I mean, indirectly or directly, through passing this information on without my consent and/or using this information to discover something about my sordid past that as you should know by now best remains, I should say, hidden) is potentially far greater than the damage I am now inflicting upon you by leaving you, how should I say, in the dark (light is a privilege, I really think that). It would in essence be a result of a moral deficiency on your part that you would trick me into giving you this information and/or to utilize devious measures in order to obtain this information through other avenues!

However, if I were, by chance, to learn the starting point of someone else — say, you — that I would find helpful as a basis for my particular equation, perhaps something as simple as moving a decimal point here or there, well that certainly would NOT be a moral deficiency on my part because I have already granted myself the right to compromise my morals in order to further my intermediate or long term goals for survival, see. This is something that I, through the multiple courses of poring over many an equation on the road to self-improvement, have taken great pain to reconcile, and have repented for in the general direction of that greater individual who resides in the sky or at least somewhere above where I am in a very literal sense, meaning in an actual physical sense this greater individual could be somewhere below me i.e. below the crust of this hot and salty planet, perhaps even near its core!

And now you are wondering — and I know you are wondering, I really do figure out these things! — how it is possible that I could formulate these equations without very much of any, IF any, knowledge of how equations are to be put together, with the particular symbols and such, knowing that I have an educational background that you do not really know as much as speculate to be deficient in the mathematical arts, also known as THE root of all equations that heretofor will produce the result equal to my physical (and some say emotional and psychological, but that, my friend, I will argue) presence somewhere west of this major metropolitan area in south Florida that you are quite familiar with. (I will contend that my knowledge in these particular areas could be a bit, shall we say, more acute in order to ensure my success in this game.)

But I will argue, although this will be one of the last times I will argue with you as you can see I have much more important things and tasks to undertake, that I could spend the next chunk of hours and days breaking this down for you in a rather complex series of figures, forms and shapes that will almost seem to you to be another language, thereby proving itself to me (and, if you are as smart as I think you are in this assessment, also to you, and I really think you are a smarty!) to be a drain in both of our busy lives that will expend not only the time elapsed during the act of explanation, but compounded with the time needed to actually RECOVER from such an explanation as the brain will (and does, in fact, as I have been through this at least once before and possible more than once) reduce its activity to almost the point of no return, as in the point where the brain, and therefore the rest of your body and subsequently your soul, has effectively given up the good fight in order to live in an eternity in veritable silence (I mean, silence in reference to the accumulated noise of all activity in your general area), and most unfortunately, to not fight again another day! And that would bring me great sadness, as I’m sure you have many things that you might possibly be able to accomplish that would give this world (or, if time slips by you faster than expected, the afterworld that I may or may not have referenced) some sort of reason to justify keeping you around, as you have trodden on its soil for many a day — it deserves something back, don’t you think? I really do think so.

(At any rate, I do have to say at this point that I am boring you and even myself with the details as to how everything has come together in order to create this particular scenario, so I must implore you to leave well enough alone — I mean, lets get on with it, shall we?)

So, yes, I did not come out here on a whim. I came here as the result of a complex process that you’re just going to have to trust me on, see. And now that I have talked myself through it, I have come to the conclusion that I would not be doing you a service in any way, shape or form by giving you information that would help you identify certain dominoes — remember how I used the metaphor of dominoes to refer to specific yet unordered steps to get from one point, lets say the bottom, to another, which will be the top, see, in this example — in my particular tower of dominoes, as surely this information would color your particular tower or at least coerce you into considering that this particular domino shall be next in line in YOUR tower, and I cannot accept the full responsibility that I would surely be placing onto myself for leading you in a particular direction because — again, trust me here, you really should — personal equations are very complex, very tenuous, even if you do not understand them (yes, even your own), and it is best just to allow your dominoes to stack up in the particular way they are meant to stack up and to follow them as you would if you (seemingly) were not paying attention to them.

This truly is for the best and I hope you can understand this! Now, I would appreciate if you could help me with the business at hand, as I must be getting on my way soon to ensure that my routine is effective and my roommates are none the wiser …